I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.