dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
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Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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