So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.