I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
