he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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