we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
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Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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