Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are my feet made of real feet?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize