I seem to have left my pride at pride
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
last night I used snow as a chaser
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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