thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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