hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"