he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.