Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
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She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
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Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away