Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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