I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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