they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
