Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize