he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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