I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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