i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize