I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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