now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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