East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
