Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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