i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
