the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
