and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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