Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you had me at cake vodka
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
