He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
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Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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