Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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