i permit you to call me
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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