hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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