I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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