yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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