There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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