my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
