just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
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In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
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I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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