i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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