some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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