if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
