i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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