just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
only if we run a train.
done.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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