She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize