you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize