it wasn't lemon gatorade
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
