he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
As shirtless as possible
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
