We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
