Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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