So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
What's dad's email?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
and you fell through a lawn chair