did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology