You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!