Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with