everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
