i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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