Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
