Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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