Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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