He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
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I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
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You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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